Where I Began and Where I'm Headed!

I guess we have to look at where we started in order to envision where we want to go… So here ‘s where I started…

I kinda talked about where I started... but not really.  Opening up is hard but I believe that if I can help even just ONE person by sharing my experiences, it's worth it.

I was in a relationship that was not the healthiest and when I’m not happy, it shows.  I gained a substantial amount of weight and food was the only thing that comforted me.  It was a vicious circle; I ate because I was sad and I was sad because I was eating.  Then I decided to stop eating.  If eating makes me fat, not eating should make me skinny… right?  WRONG.  I gained more weight!  I was on a fast track to terrible health.  I decided I needed to take care of business so I removed myself from the unhealthy situation and started to deal with things… yes I’m talking about feelings!  It was grueling and I gained more weight because it was easier to turn to food than friends or family.  But eventually my emotions leveled out and I was able to think with a clear head.  This September I started my last year of school at WLU and I HATED how I looked and felt.  I decided to do something about the physical things now…  I went gluten free and sugar free and started working out more.  I was losing weight, inches, and gaining respect for myself!  The saying is cheesy but I really started to believe that my body was a temple and I was much more cautious and aware of what I was putting in it. 

Then came the dreadful exam period… When I am stressed I gain weight – mainly because I forget to eat or I try to live off of fruit alone. 

This is when Sheryl convinced me to make an appointment with Craig and start personal training.  I was beyond terrified to go to that consultation.  It would be the very first time I would have to tell someone how much I weighed.  The number is not grotesque but it is not healthy, nor is it where I want to be.  I couldn’t even say it, I had to write it down.  All Craig said was “OK!”  … I thought for sure there would be a “Wow, really?  Huh you don’t look like you weigh that amount.”,  “Well we have our work cut out for us.”, “This is going to take FOREVER… just so you know.”  But he didn’t say any of those things, he didn’t make any faces, and he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable.  I sat there thinking… “I’m really glad I decided to trust him…”

That is the most important part, I think.  You and your trainer need to trust each other and build some kind of relationship.  You need to know that your trainer has your best interest at heart and that you are a team working on this goal, together! 

That is what Craig and I have been doing and I am proud (a little scared but proud nonetheless) to announce that I have officially lost 50 lbs! 

I was able to lose 20 on my own from September to early December before I started with Craig and then I’ve lost 30 lbs with Craig in just 5 short weeks!  It is hard for me to see it sometimes, to be honest.  But the other day I had a major breakthrough and tried on a pair of jeans, just thinking I would see how far I had to go before I could zip them up… and they FIT!  I wore them out shopping that very day.  Nonetheless, I really appreciate when people notice it on me.  Like Dan, for instance, he saw me last week and said “Every time I see you, I see less and less of you!”  That made my WEEK!  I’m not fishing for compliments; I’m just saying that it means a lot when other people see the changes going on!

It feels incredible and I know it’s only going to feel better from here on out!  I’m not entirely sure what I want to weigh exactly, but I know that I want to be healthy, fit, and STRONG!  I don’t think a number means very much.  You could be 120lbs and STRONG or 120lbs and weak: same numbers but totally different body types.  I think I will just know when I get there!  Everyone has a part of their body that they want to focus on, not because it’s a problem area, but because it’s something they like.  For me, that is my back and upper body.  Something about a strong back and upper body just seems attractive to me.  I’ll put it this way… I want to be strong, but I don’t want to scare off or be bigger than a potential boyfriend hahaha!

I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me but I know a few things for sure: I’ll have my bubblemint gum, top secret body spray, lululemon, and AMAZING people along for the ride with me :)

Relationship with Food and Those Pesky Cravings!

Believe it or not, food cravings can be just as powerful as a drug users craving for their drug of choice.  Coming from someone who had a very unhealthy relationship with food, take it from me. 

Food wasn’t a source of nutrition, energy, or fuel for me; food was something I went to when I needed to feel better if I was sad, to celebrate when I was happy, and to make things OK in my life when I was too stressed to actually deal with them.  On the other hand, I also didn’t eat very much or very often (except for those times listed above) because I felt like I didn’t deserve to eat.  I felt awful in my body and to me eating felt like I was just going to make myself bigger and take me further from my goals.  Little did I know that withholding food and only eating at night would not help me lose any weight, it would actually make me gain weight.  Your body goes into a SURVIVAL mode and it says “Hold on to everything that just came in because we have no idea when we are going to be fed again!”  Your body realizes that it needs to hold on to whatever you DO feed it, good or bad, and store it so it won’t starve.  Eventually, not eating will result in anorexia and your body WILL begin to starve and it will start feeding off its “Emergency Storage” and then eventually, itself. 

Now that I know I need to feed my body in order for it to function and give me the results I want, my body and I are much better friends.  Now, I’m not saying you can eat whatever you want and expect your body to do what you want it to do.  Chocolate cake (a personal fave LOL) will not get my body ready for an intense workout.  However, an oat and egg white pancake will!  The pancake is filled with things my body needs in order to perform.  Sugar and bleached flour and icing will not do the trick.  Now, if we have our day to day meal plan all sorted out, you might find yourself craving certain things throughout the day/week/month/etc.  This can seem impossible to overcome but I promise you, you can do it. 

Like I mentioned earlier, I used food to comfort myself and when you have a craving for something after a bad day, or just because, it can be hard to tell yourself NO!  The other day I was struggling with cravings and I really just treated it like it was a drug, not food.  Humour me a moment and look at this with me…

If you are an alcoholic or drug addict and you are going to AA or NA, you are told to contact your sponsor if you feel like using again and that person is supposed to talk you down from the intense feelings and remind you that once you get over the hump, you will be so glad you said no.  The outcome is a beautiful thing. 

So, I decided to write it on Facebook.  I said I was craving and reminded myself that I am stronger than my cravings.  This made me accountable to each and every person who saw, “liked”, or commented on my post.  They all knew I was craving something (fruit, actually) and I knew that if I gave it I would be letting all of them down and most importantly, I’d be letting myself down.  Yes fruit is good for you, but right now I am not allowed to eat it.  So it really doesn’t matter if it was a piece of fruit or a big bowl of ice cream; either way, I wasn’t allowed to have it and if I did, I’d be cheating. 

Now, that was part one…  Part two was actually doing something about the craving.  I needed to get my mind off of what I wanted but I was just going in circles.  I was trying to talk myself out of it but I only got frustrated with myself.  So I decided to get a big glass of icy cold water and chug it.  Then I had a piece of gum (I chose a sugar free bubble-gum flavour) so this way I felt like I was eating something sweet!  Eventually I just really got into the show I was watching and the cravings passed.  When I realized it, I was so proud of myself!  It was the first really big craving I’d had since I started training with Craig and I wasn’t about to start slipping up now!  I do dream about eating fruit all the time and send him “Mind Messages” throughout my entire workout… “Let me eat fruitttttttttt” it hasn’t started working yet… I will keep you posted ha ha ha :)

Another great way of keeping yourself from giving into your cravings is painting your nails!  Sheryl taught me this and it has worked fabulously!  If you paint your nails, you can’t very well eat anything!  Wet nails + eating = disaster!  Let me just say, I have become a pro at painting nails LOL!

Another thing you can do is make a list of all the reasons you DON’T want to give into the craving.  Keep it somewhere accessible, maybe stuck to the fridge, and you can read those things before you decide to open the fridge.  Some of the things you could write are:

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I have already come so far and giving in to this craving will only set me back

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I know the feeling is only temporary, but the consequences of giving in are real and will require a lot of work at the gym to burn them off.

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I am WORTH the healthy body I am on my way to having!

If you have any other tips or tricks for fighting off your cravings, please feel free to share!

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

K

Are you a TOUGH MUDDER?!

Hey everyone!  I have some exciting news to tell you all!  I will be participating in the TOUGH MUDDER Event in August and it is going to be an incredible challenge and experience!  If you have never heard of TOUGH MUDDER, here is a little blurb describing what they are all about:

“Tough Mudder events are hardcore 10-12 mile obstacle courses designed by British Special Forces to test your all around strength, stamina, mental grit, and camaraderie. As the leading company in the booming obstacle course industry, Tough Mudder has already challenged half a million inspiring participants worldwide and raised more than $2 million dollars for the Wounded Warrior Project. But Tough Mudder is more than an event, it’s a way of thinking. By running a Tough Mudder challenge, you’ll unlock a true sense of accomplishment, have a great time, and discover a camaraderie with your fellow participants that’s experienced all too rarely these days.”

For more information, click here.

Here is a video you can watch that shows you what the event is like:

TOUGH MUDDER 2012

Now, after watching this you are probably wondering “WHYYYY ARE YOU DOING THIS KAYLA?!?!?!”, right?  Well, you all know that I am working out with Craig and the changes we’re planning for are huge!  I never really push myself and this (training with Craig) is the FIRST time I have truly pushed myself and put myself in a situation that isn’t easy for me to perfect.  TOUGH MUDDER is going to be the ultimate test of my ability; physically and emotionally.  I really feel like I NEED to do this!  After I finish my training with Craig I think I need something to “Ice the Cake” so to speak… I need to prove to myself that I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.  What better way than pushing my body to the ABSOLUTE limit?!

Now, don’t take this the wrong way… Training with Craig has already been an incredible physical and emotional journey.  For those of you who know me, you should already know that I respect and appreciate Craig and all he has done for me/with me so far!  Training with him is the only reason I even CONSIDERED doing this event and it was only with his “blessing” I made the decision and signed up!

In addition to training with Craig 3 times a week, starting in May I will be training on Saturday’s at a gym in Hamilton with my team and we will be getting our bodies ready for this event!  I am so excited! 

If you are interested in coming to watch or if you want to participate just let me know! 

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

K

Personal Post: My Changing Body Shape

Today was one of those days where I just wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.  I wasn’t bummed out or anything, but I just wasn’t comfortable in my clothes at all!  In one of my earlier posts I talked about not getting down on yourself when your body changes shape and you can sometimes look worse than before you started; only for a little while.  Well, that is happening to me now!  I am starting to slim down all over my body but I am thinning out a lot from my ribs and up.  This makes my hips look worse!  The thinning out on top has really accentuated my hips and it just looks funny.  Well not funny, more like a big ‘ol spare tire.  I felt uncomfortable during my workout today and was tugging at my shirt all the time; not fun! 

My TShirt dilemma is frustrating, I must admit… I have a bunch of Yoga Tee’s from Joe Fresh and while I like them, they stretch out so much during the course of my workout I end up looking like a drowned rat by the end of it.  They made me feel really uncomfortable!  So I thought I would try something a little bit more fitted, and I like the feel of it while standing.  But as soon as I have to sit or lay down for a leg press I feel all uncomfortable again!  Gravity is not on my side at the moment.  I am on the search for the perfect workout tee to get me through this next part of training until things start to even out again!  I know this is all part of the game and I was expecting it; so it wasn’t a mood crusher or anything, just a pain in my butt!  One way to look at it is to focus on the positives: I’ve lost a lot of “padding” in my upper body and it’s really starting to slim down!  Rather than just focusing on how big my hips look.  It is all in how you look at it… Glass half full or glass half empty!

I think being prepared for these changes has really helped me keep things in perspective.  I can guarantee that if Craig hadn’t told me that I might look worse before I look better, I would be a ball of tears!  So I hope that you really absorb this info and take it from me and my accentuated spare tire LOL that it DOES feel weird and messes with your head a little bit; but your body WILL even out and you will LOVE the results!  It’s like a mini goal (a smaller goal within my BIG goal) and I will have one more thing to celebrate when my hips DO thin out… and they WILL because I am going to give it my all every time I go to the gym and I am going to keep my goals in the forefront of my mind :)

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

K

I've Got Friends in Strong Places...

Going to the gym can be a daunting task.  There tends to be a lot of people there and a lot of equipment that you might not know how to use.  It is easy to feel lost or out of place there, but have no fear, there is hope!  World Gym is a fantastic place to work out and I have never felt more comfortable in a gym before!  I ABSOLUTELY started off feeling like I didn’t exactly belong because I had NO CLUE what I was doing.  I’d aimlessly walk around, look at a few machines, wonder what they were for, and then I would try a few out but never really feel like I was doing it RIGHT.  The more I went, the more comfortable I felt.  But it wasn’t until I started personal training that I felt the true community or family-like feeling at the gym.  I’m not saying you need to train to feel part of the team, but it just felt that way for me.  I was there with a purpose and people could tell! 

I think my frame of mind and the vibe I was giving off was much more positive, I wasn’t confused or feeling like I was out of place.  It’s all about how your portray yourself!  If you walk into a room having already decided that this just isn’t going to go your way, it will absolutely turn out that way and everyone is going to feel that negative vibe.  If you walk into the room excited, happy, and ready to rock, you are going to give off a totally different vibe and people are going to see you as approachable and fun!  I highly recommend the 2^nd option :)

I have actually met some wonderful people now that I am training at World Gym.  They are people I know I will keep close to my heart forever.  First person being Sheryl… She works at the gym but also trains there with Craig, the person I train with!  She is incredibly kind and she is the reason I am training with Craig today!  I am indebted to her for life!  She pulls me up when I am down and cheers me on when I succeed.  She is truly an angel!  OK enough of the mushy gushy stuff lol

Next person is Craig, my personal trainer.  He is AMAZING at what he does!  The hour goes by so fast because we talk throughout the entire session (except for when I’m dying and need to focus on breathing lol) and I spend half of that time laughing!  Some personal trainers, doctors, or enthusiasts tend to have strong opinions on certain things or they tell you to do something without explanation, and it is because they have no reason… they just read it in a book somewhere or heard it from another person.  Not the case with Craig.  I ask a LOT of questions and he always has answers… Unless I come up with something totally random and weird… Like my weird feeling in my arm when I laugh LOL!  He could make each workout session totally generic, routine, and very “business” -like but he doesn’t and that is why he is so good at what he does.  You don’t feel like you are going to workout with your trainer, you feel like you are going to workout with a friend!

Mel is another girl that is so kind and she made me feel as comfortable as I could feel after my first workout with Craig when I got sick.  She sat with me until I felt better and comforted me when I was a little scared.  I’m not a fan of throwing up or not knowing what’s going on.  You don’t find people like this every day, and certainly not in any old gym. 

Finally, my newest new friend, is Crystal!  She is such an inspiration and a breath of fresh air!  She introduced herself to me the other day at the gym (she is friends with Sheryl) and we hit it off!  She projects that positive vibe I was telling you about earlier.  You just gravitate toward people like that and they brighten your day.  She also offered to be my cardio workout buddy; I thought that was just so sweet!  Now if I am feeling like cardio is the LAST thing I want to do, I can call her up and say LET’S GO! 

It is so important to build a circle of friends for yourself when going through any kind of transformation.  You need people who you can lean on for support, people who have been where you are and know that the climb is hard, but SO worth it!  It is easier to share your struggles with someone who has struggled with the same things and has succeeded!  I am so grateful to everyone I have mentioned here and I am so excited to meet even more people!  It feels so much better when you can share your successes with a bunch of people who know what it took to reach that point of success!  It also feels even MORE wonderful when you get to cheer those people on.  They are sources of friendship and support; two very important things to have in anyone’s life!

So, I hope you are all healthy and happy and if you are planning on starting up at a gym I highly recommend my gym :) but more importantly, wherever you go, make sure your chin is up and you have a smile on your face! 

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

~ K