Hush

OK, it is story time…Last week I was at an event and had an unfortunate encounter with a tray of red wine.  It went everywhere.  I understand shit happens, but it is how you handle it that makes all the difference.

It was handled poorly by the person who spilled the tray on me and, in my opinion; management has also done a poor job of handling this.

For the first time in my life I have experienced what feels like inferiority because of my gender.  It’s a bold statement, I know.  When conversing with the management at this establishment – we will call it Venue A – I felt like I was being brushed off, not taken seriously.  It really bothered me!  My father knows the president of Venue A and once they began talking, I was completely cut out of the conversation.  It was no longer about me, it was all about him.  They wouldn't address me; they didn't ask what I thought.  I was no longer a key player here.  This is MY STUFF we are talking about here and somehow I have been pushed out of the conversation.

In my gut it feels like Venue A just wants the “men to talk it over” and leave the “emotional one” out of it.

Even when they came to pick up my damaged items at the office, they didn’t acknowledge me.  At first I thought it was because I hadn't introduced myself – fair enough.  But once I said OK here is my purse, wallet, and shoes… still nothing!  Shook my father’s hand, but not mine.It bothers me that I wasn't able to get anywhere with Venue A and it required my father’s involvement to make any headway.  I am a strong woman who should be able to handle her own business!

This has sparked a fire in me and a lot of things are going to start changing!  As you might know, I am starting bootcamp with Sandra on Tuesday March 4^th and I decided this was my time.  I am finally going to give it 100% and stick with it until I get the body I know is hiding under there.  But this will also be an attitude change for me.  

I have always loved this quote from Zooey Deschanel –

I have always been the nice girl and while that won’t change, my “vibe” will.  I vow to work on my health, fitness, body, mind, and spirit.  I will always be nice, but there will no longer be any question regarding my strength as a person.  I will continue to be tender and open.  I will cry if something moves me to do so, I wont change any of that.  

I have so many goals and plans for bootcamp, it is really an exciting time for me and marks a new chapter in my life.  Things are going to change – physically and mentally – I hope you stick by me through the journey and go along for the ride with me!

This post doesn’t say everything I want to say about Venue A… but I vented enough to be able to draw a connection and find meaning in the situation and find a way to better myself as a result.  That is enough for me :)

Life is all about finding ways to learn lessons from your experiences and coming out of the situation a better person. 

I hope that everything works out with my personal belongings and starting today, I will be taking lead on all conversations going forward.  I am not one to be hushed any longer…

Fat Shaming

Hey everyone,

This wasn’t my originally planned post, but I just need to talk about something.  Last month I posted about Fat Talk – talking down to yourself.  Today I want to talk to the bullies who partake in Fat Shaming.

Every day – honestly EVERY DAY – I see posts on Facebook by people who joke about those who are overweight.  Let me tell you something – you are NOT helping!  In fact you are a bully!  I see two main categories here:

1)      People who used to be overweight

2)      People who have never been anything but skinny – healthy or not

To those people who used to be overweight – I want to ask you this.  Do you not remember how hard it was being fat?  The emotional and physical challenges you experienced.  Did you just forget about all of that? 

It is absolutely none of anyone’s business how or why Person A is overweight.  It could be medical, it could be because of depression (eating to soothe/feel better – even if only temporary), or it could be because they really fucking like McDonalds.  Either way you have no idea and you are not owed an explanation. 

Really though, what makes you think you have the right to comment on a person's size?  Would you feel as comfortable talking about the colour of their skin?   The country they were born in?  The religion they practice?

Being overweight is not a desired state for most people.  Sure there are people out there who enjoy it – to each their own.  But for the most part people don’t actually enjoy the sideways glances, the snickering behind their back, or the judgement people place on them.

Maybe you think it is as simple as deciding to lose the weight.  Let me be really open and honest with you… I have made that decision time and time again.  You know what happens?  I open my Facebook and see some GIFs or meme’s that people have posted on Facebook about the fat girl who is doing something that only a skinny girl can do without being judged – eating a burger, wearing a bathing suit etc.  That makes me feel pretty shitty because maybe they think I am like that girl.  Maybe people think I am gross.  Maybe when they look at that meme, they think it looks like me.

So I go to the gym and immediately wonder if everyone here thinks the same thing… Then I spend most of my workout wondering - am I sweating too much? 

Some days I have high enough self-esteem to ignore those people, and some days I can’t overlook it.  I am getting stronger as a person each day and have channeled that emotion into something positive.  I refuse to spend the rest of my life feeling like I am unworthy because my body doesn’t match my beautiful heart.  I struggle daily but I have committed to changing my life!  I really don’t need anyone making this any harder. (and neither does anyone else who is trying to lose weight)

Every winter, nearing the New Year, posts about “New Year’s Resolutions” start showing up on Social Media – and a lot of people say something about “OMG the gym is going to be SO busy—but don’t worry everything will be back to normal in February”.  Seriously?  Did you ever stop to think that that overweight man or woman is intimidated or even scared to go into “Your House” and feel like an outsider?  You look like you belong there – you know what you are doing.

There has got to be something that makes you feel unsure of yourself – think of a scenario in which you wouldn’t be the most comfortable or the most skilled.  Take a minute and think about that.  Then think about how you would feel if people passive aggressively called you out on it all of the time.  They post stuff about how you won’t succeed anyway etc.  Does that feel nice?  Maybe you don’t give a shit about what other people think – good for you!  But empathize with those who do care – try to put yourself in their shoes.  Do you think that helps them?

I encourage all of you who call the gym Home, to help the newbies – make them feel welcome.  I am not suggesting that you walk up to the biggest person in the gym and start telling them what to do.  I am simple suggesting that you smile, say hello – make them feel like they aren’t stupid for showing up.  Make them feel like this is an OK place to be.

You have no idea how powerful and how influential your actions are – and this goes for everyone in all parts of your life.  Be nice to people.  You don’t know everyone’s story.  You might just change someone’s life for the better with one smile :)

I am trying to think of all of the comments or thoughts people will have regarding this post, so I just want to say one more thing.  It is true that you cannot control how other people feel about things in life.  Some people look for a reason to have a problem with someone ex.) You are zoned out and happen to be looking directly at someone but you don’t notice until they say “Can I help you?!”.  You weren’t giving that person the stink eye lol it was a mistake.  But some people just jump at the chance to create drama. 

I am not talking about those situations.  I am talking about the situations where you choose to behave in a manner that can offend or hurt someone, and you know it.

We are all adults here and bullying in any form is wounding.  I challenge you to think twice and stand up when your buddy says something rude about another person – in person or behind the keys of the keyboard.  We aren’t in high school anymore where we need to worry about our friends accepting us.  If they truly are a friend, they will appreciate and respect your opinion.

With that being said, all of us can stand up for one another.  If you see someone being rude, stop them.  It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic; you can just let them know bullying isn’t cool.

I honestly hope that you read this and take something from it.  And if you think I am just "too sensitive" and making "too big of a deal" out of this, then I encourage you to read this again and pay attention this time.

 

Sincerely,
Kayla

Relationship with Food and Those Pesky Cravings!

Believe it or not, food cravings can be just as powerful as a drug users craving for their drug of choice.  Coming from someone who had a very unhealthy relationship with food, take it from me. 

Food wasn’t a source of nutrition, energy, or fuel for me; food was something I went to when I needed to feel better if I was sad, to celebrate when I was happy, and to make things OK in my life when I was too stressed to actually deal with them.  On the other hand, I also didn’t eat very much or very often (except for those times listed above) because I felt like I didn’t deserve to eat.  I felt awful in my body and to me eating felt like I was just going to make myself bigger and take me further from my goals.  Little did I know that withholding food and only eating at night would not help me lose any weight, it would actually make me gain weight.  Your body goes into a SURVIVAL mode and it says “Hold on to everything that just came in because we have no idea when we are going to be fed again!”  Your body realizes that it needs to hold on to whatever you DO feed it, good or bad, and store it so it won’t starve.  Eventually, not eating will result in anorexia and your body WILL begin to starve and it will start feeding off its “Emergency Storage” and then eventually, itself. 

Now that I know I need to feed my body in order for it to function and give me the results I want, my body and I are much better friends.  Now, I’m not saying you can eat whatever you want and expect your body to do what you want it to do.  Chocolate cake (a personal fave LOL) will not get my body ready for an intense workout.  However, an oat and egg white pancake will!  The pancake is filled with things my body needs in order to perform.  Sugar and bleached flour and icing will not do the trick.  Now, if we have our day to day meal plan all sorted out, you might find yourself craving certain things throughout the day/week/month/etc.  This can seem impossible to overcome but I promise you, you can do it. 

Like I mentioned earlier, I used food to comfort myself and when you have a craving for something after a bad day, or just because, it can be hard to tell yourself NO!  The other day I was struggling with cravings and I really just treated it like it was a drug, not food.  Humour me a moment and look at this with me…

If you are an alcoholic or drug addict and you are going to AA or NA, you are told to contact your sponsor if you feel like using again and that person is supposed to talk you down from the intense feelings and remind you that once you get over the hump, you will be so glad you said no.  The outcome is a beautiful thing. 

So, I decided to write it on Facebook.  I said I was craving and reminded myself that I am stronger than my cravings.  This made me accountable to each and every person who saw, “liked”, or commented on my post.  They all knew I was craving something (fruit, actually) and I knew that if I gave it I would be letting all of them down and most importantly, I’d be letting myself down.  Yes fruit is good for you, but right now I am not allowed to eat it.  So it really doesn’t matter if it was a piece of fruit or a big bowl of ice cream; either way, I wasn’t allowed to have it and if I did, I’d be cheating. 

Now, that was part one…  Part two was actually doing something about the craving.  I needed to get my mind off of what I wanted but I was just going in circles.  I was trying to talk myself out of it but I only got frustrated with myself.  So I decided to get a big glass of icy cold water and chug it.  Then I had a piece of gum (I chose a sugar free bubble-gum flavour) so this way I felt like I was eating something sweet!  Eventually I just really got into the show I was watching and the cravings passed.  When I realized it, I was so proud of myself!  It was the first really big craving I’d had since I started training with Craig and I wasn’t about to start slipping up now!  I do dream about eating fruit all the time and send him “Mind Messages” throughout my entire workout… “Let me eat fruitttttttttt” it hasn’t started working yet… I will keep you posted ha ha ha :)

Another great way of keeping yourself from giving into your cravings is painting your nails!  Sheryl taught me this and it has worked fabulously!  If you paint your nails, you can’t very well eat anything!  Wet nails + eating = disaster!  Let me just say, I have become a pro at painting nails LOL!

Another thing you can do is make a list of all the reasons you DON’T want to give into the craving.  Keep it somewhere accessible, maybe stuck to the fridge, and you can read those things before you decide to open the fridge.  Some of the things you could write are:

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I have already come so far and giving in to this craving will only set me back

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I know the feeling is only temporary, but the consequences of giving in are real and will require a lot of work at the gym to burn them off.

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I am WORTH the healthy body I am on my way to having!

If you have any other tips or tricks for fighting off your cravings, please feel free to share!

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

K

Are you a TOUGH MUDDER?!

Hey everyone!  I have some exciting news to tell you all!  I will be participating in the TOUGH MUDDER Event in August and it is going to be an incredible challenge and experience!  If you have never heard of TOUGH MUDDER, here is a little blurb describing what they are all about:

“Tough Mudder events are hardcore 10-12 mile obstacle courses designed by British Special Forces to test your all around strength, stamina, mental grit, and camaraderie. As the leading company in the booming obstacle course industry, Tough Mudder has already challenged half a million inspiring participants worldwide and raised more than $2 million dollars for the Wounded Warrior Project. But Tough Mudder is more than an event, it’s a way of thinking. By running a Tough Mudder challenge, you’ll unlock a true sense of accomplishment, have a great time, and discover a camaraderie with your fellow participants that’s experienced all too rarely these days.”

For more information, click here.

Here is a video you can watch that shows you what the event is like:

TOUGH MUDDER 2012

Now, after watching this you are probably wondering “WHYYYY ARE YOU DOING THIS KAYLA?!?!?!”, right?  Well, you all know that I am working out with Craig and the changes we’re planning for are huge!  I never really push myself and this (training with Craig) is the FIRST time I have truly pushed myself and put myself in a situation that isn’t easy for me to perfect.  TOUGH MUDDER is going to be the ultimate test of my ability; physically and emotionally.  I really feel like I NEED to do this!  After I finish my training with Craig I think I need something to “Ice the Cake” so to speak… I need to prove to myself that I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.  What better way than pushing my body to the ABSOLUTE limit?!

Now, don’t take this the wrong way… Training with Craig has already been an incredible physical and emotional journey.  For those of you who know me, you should already know that I respect and appreciate Craig and all he has done for me/with me so far!  Training with him is the only reason I even CONSIDERED doing this event and it was only with his “blessing” I made the decision and signed up!

In addition to training with Craig 3 times a week, starting in May I will be training on Saturday’s at a gym in Hamilton with my team and we will be getting our bodies ready for this event!  I am so excited! 

If you are interested in coming to watch or if you want to participate just let me know! 

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

K

Motivation: How to Find it and How to Keep it Alive!

Motivation is hard to come by some days but you have to dig down deep and find it!  There are a lot of ways to help yourself find that motivation and desire to keep going.  I thought I would share a few of my faves with you! 

Motivational Pictures:

I have a file on my laptop with pictures that motivate me and remind me that what I am doing is an amazing thing and I should get out there are DO IT!

Motivational Videos:

This video is so motivational it makes me emotional!  The message is so important and really helps you find that drive to get up and hit the gym or go for a walk/jog/run, whatever!  Show everyone HOW GREAT YOU ARE!

This man, Nick, has the most beautiful spirit and he reminds me to get out there and take advantage of the life I have been given!  I have two arms, two legs, and the ability to do anything I put my mind to.  Nick does not have his limbs yet he loves fishing, golfing, and swimming!  He LOVES living life!  He has so much LIFE and really pushes you to LIVE YOUR LIFE! 

Maybe you don’t have one, some, or any of your limbs.  Maybe you are in a wheelchair.  Or maybe you feel like you are too far gone; there is too much weight to lose so you might as well not even try.  Or maybe, you are just too sad to get up off of the couch and go to the gym.  Being overweight has an extreme effect on your emotions and your self esteem.  But you have to find the motivation, the courage, and the strength to get out there!  Believe me when I say that you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to!  I know we have all heard it before but it is so true!  You don’t need to have a lot of money or a lot of time to start losing weight.  I know that is something a lot of people use as an excuse; I certainly have.  We all hear people say they don’t have time to go to the gym or go for a walk.  We have homework or deadlines to meet at work and we have to work late.  While I don’t deny that those things are very real and very important; I ask you this, what is more important than YOU?  Your body is everything!  Without your health you wont have to worry about that homework!  So MAKE time for yourself and take care of your body.  You will actually find that a healthy BODY promotes a healthy MIND and you will be able to accomplish your goals faster and better!  Your mind will be clear and you will be happier!  Feeling like you are “too far gone” is so far from the truth, it doesn’t even mimic it.  It doesn’t matter if you have to lose 10, 20, 50, 100, 300, or 500+ pounds; YOU ARE WORTH IT!  You are never too far gone and you should never give up on yourself!

Now you might say to me, “Kayla, I just don’t feel like it today.”  That is when I would say to you, “take a look at your motivational pictures and/or a motivational video.  Find your drive, deep down inside, and get out there!”  You don’t have to run a marathon or anything extreme, but just getting out there and moving is great!  Your body will thank you for going to the gym and doing your cardio, or whatever it may be.  You will feel energized and PROUD of yourself!  Every time you go for that walk or go to the gym you have ACCOMPLISHED something and it deserves recognition and celebration!  You should feel good about yourself and be proud of your hard work!

Now, if those things don’t work for you and you are more of a physical touch kind of person, try this idea out.  Get yourself a dress or pair of pants or shirt that you want to fit into.  We’ll call it your Goal Outfit.  Keep trying it on and noticing the differences each time you try it on.  Maybe this week it feels a little better in the thighs, hell maybe this week is the first time you can get your thighs INTO the pants!  They will be your motivation!  Each time you try them on you will see that you are getting closer and closer to your goal!  You can do this!

I hope this post reminds you, no matter where you are at in your goals, to never give up!  Always keep pushing yourself and finding that motivation.  Be the BEST you can be!

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

K