Bootcamp, Self Esteem, and Body Image

Hey everyone,

Wow, what an incredible 6 weeks!  Bootcamp ended last night and I was filled with SO many emotions.  Last night we did hill runs, walking lunges up hill, and even walking/running backward uphill.  It was hard, probably my hardest workout ever during those 6 weeks.  I pushed myself and groaned and cursed but when the hour was up I felt SO accomplished!  I know many of the girls felt the same.  #FUManhole

Once I got back to my car after we finished training, I was overcome with emotion.  I was so grateful for the women I now call friends and for my Coach, Sandra.  These ladies push each other and cheer each other on, it is so heartwarming.  Thank you for that :)  I also felt so proud of myself (and this is hard to admit because I feel like I am bragging, but I think I need to get over that…), it was a very challenging workout and I paced myself but I never gave up.  I am learning with each passing day that I am strong, mentally and physically.  I can push myself further and harder than I ever thought possible.  I felt like nothing could stop me, I felt like a warrior.

They say that it is your mind that actually stops you from pushing past your comfort zone, not your body.  It is SO true.  My legs were shaking, my knee was tight, and my lungs felt like they might explode; but I was OK.  I could safely push on and give it 100%.  My mind was telling me I should slow down or take a breather, but I knew I was OK.  I guess I am learning to listen to my body, not just my mind. 

Joining Sandra’s bootcamp is easily one of the best decisions I have made on my Health & Fitness Journey.  I have truly learned so much about myself in the last 6 weeks and I am really looking forward to starting up again on June 17^th!  I can’t wait to see what goals we can achieve over the summer!

Now, there is another thing I wanted to talk about.  If you follow me on Facebook you may remember I had a “Light bulb Moment” about loving your body.  This was all sparked by a Kickstarter video shared by Taryn Brumfitt.  She shares her story, which is all too familiar, about not loving her body.  It affects her relationships and social life.  Sound familiar?  It does to me.  She thought she was alone, so she decided to ask 100 women to describe their bodies in one word.  The responses brought tears to my eyes… wobbly, imperfect, stumpy, very average, not nice to look at, gross, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting…  Taryn realized that she had an even bigger issue on her hands.  She had a young daughter and she wondered how she would teach that little girl to love her body, if she didn’t even love her own.  She entered herself into a body building competition and achieved the “perfect body” but quickly realized that the outside is only half of the battle.  Nothing changed about the way she looked at herself or how she felt about her body.  It is just as much a mental change as it is physical.  She decided to start a movement; The Body Image Movement.  Taryn wants women to start loving their bodies just as they are right this very moment.  EveryBODY is beautiful.  It starts from within; you need to learn to love, embrace, and accept your body exactly the way it looks and feels right now.  That’s not to say you can’t improve the exterior by going to the gym or doing yoga etc.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is all up to you, but just remember that it starts on the inside first.  You can achieve the “perfect” body, but if you haven’t spent the time to love yourself, flaws and all, nothing will change.  You will still find something “wrong” with yourself. 

Her video really got me thinking, but it was the comments section of her video that truly lit a fire within me.  There were so many trolls saying that she was promoting an unhealthy lifestyle by telling “fat people” to love themselves.  It crushed me!  Everyone and everyBODY is deserving of love no matter what size, shape, colour, or gender.  Taryn was not suggesting that everyone throw caution to the wind and stuff their faces without regard for their health.  No matter what the scale says, you are beautiful and you should love your body. 

My journey has never been about reaching a certain number on the scale or a certain dress size.  I just want to be healthy and happy and have the outside match the inside.  I am getting there, one day at a time!  It is very exciting and I am having a lot of fun on this ride.  It is hard but it is so worth it :)  I love my body and I am so thankful for it.  I treat my body with respect now; I eat well, exercise, and have realistic expectations and goals.  This is a lifestyle change for me and I have never been happier!

If you take only one thing from this post, I hope it is this… You are beautiful, just as you are.  You don’t need makeup or Spanx to achieve it.  You are already beautiful.  Take a look at yourself and remove the cruel, judgmental lens.  Embrace the body you have, be grateful for it and love it. 

xoxox
Kayla

Where I Began and Where I'm Headed!

I guess we have to look at where we started in order to envision where we want to go… So here ‘s where I started…

I kinda talked about where I started... but not really.  Opening up is hard but I believe that if I can help even just ONE person by sharing my experiences, it's worth it.

I was in a relationship that was not the healthiest and when I’m not happy, it shows.  I gained a substantial amount of weight and food was the only thing that comforted me.  It was a vicious circle; I ate because I was sad and I was sad because I was eating.  Then I decided to stop eating.  If eating makes me fat, not eating should make me skinny… right?  WRONG.  I gained more weight!  I was on a fast track to terrible health.  I decided I needed to take care of business so I removed myself from the unhealthy situation and started to deal with things… yes I’m talking about feelings!  It was grueling and I gained more weight because it was easier to turn to food than friends or family.  But eventually my emotions leveled out and I was able to think with a clear head.  This September I started my last year of school at WLU and I HATED how I looked and felt.  I decided to do something about the physical things now…  I went gluten free and sugar free and started working out more.  I was losing weight, inches, and gaining respect for myself!  The saying is cheesy but I really started to believe that my body was a temple and I was much more cautious and aware of what I was putting in it. 

Then came the dreadful exam period… When I am stressed I gain weight – mainly because I forget to eat or I try to live off of fruit alone. 

This is when Sheryl convinced me to make an appointment with Craig and start personal training.  I was beyond terrified to go to that consultation.  It would be the very first time I would have to tell someone how much I weighed.  The number is not grotesque but it is not healthy, nor is it where I want to be.  I couldn’t even say it, I had to write it down.  All Craig said was “OK!”  … I thought for sure there would be a “Wow, really?  Huh you don’t look like you weigh that amount.”,  “Well we have our work cut out for us.”, “This is going to take FOREVER… just so you know.”  But he didn’t say any of those things, he didn’t make any faces, and he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable.  I sat there thinking… “I’m really glad I decided to trust him…”

That is the most important part, I think.  You and your trainer need to trust each other and build some kind of relationship.  You need to know that your trainer has your best interest at heart and that you are a team working on this goal, together! 

That is what Craig and I have been doing and I am proud (a little scared but proud nonetheless) to announce that I have officially lost 50 lbs! 

I was able to lose 20 on my own from September to early December before I started with Craig and then I’ve lost 30 lbs with Craig in just 5 short weeks!  It is hard for me to see it sometimes, to be honest.  But the other day I had a major breakthrough and tried on a pair of jeans, just thinking I would see how far I had to go before I could zip them up… and they FIT!  I wore them out shopping that very day.  Nonetheless, I really appreciate when people notice it on me.  Like Dan, for instance, he saw me last week and said “Every time I see you, I see less and less of you!”  That made my WEEK!  I’m not fishing for compliments; I’m just saying that it means a lot when other people see the changes going on!

It feels incredible and I know it’s only going to feel better from here on out!  I’m not entirely sure what I want to weigh exactly, but I know that I want to be healthy, fit, and STRONG!  I don’t think a number means very much.  You could be 120lbs and STRONG or 120lbs and weak: same numbers but totally different body types.  I think I will just know when I get there!  Everyone has a part of their body that they want to focus on, not because it’s a problem area, but because it’s something they like.  For me, that is my back and upper body.  Something about a strong back and upper body just seems attractive to me.  I’ll put it this way… I want to be strong, but I don’t want to scare off or be bigger than a potential boyfriend hahaha!

I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me but I know a few things for sure: I’ll have my bubblemint gum, top secret body spray, lululemon, and AMAZING people along for the ride with me :)

Let's Begin!

Welcome!

This is my first post on the new blog :)  I thought I would begin by introducing myself...  My name is Kayla and I have decided to make some big changes in my life.  I was never a skinny girl and I don't plan on becoming one.  What I DO want is to strengthen my body and have a more toned, lean physique.  I started my journey in September when I decided enough was enough.  I didnt want to have to find an outfit that looked good, I wanted to throw on a pair of jeans and a T-Shirt and run out the door without giving it any more thought.  So, my plan of action?  I cut gluten and sugar out of my diet entirely.  At first it was incredibly challenging!  I was grouchy and hungry all the time and all I wanted to do was hook myself up to a sugar IV drip and let the sugar high wash away the cravings.  I did not give in and it DID get better.  It took me about 5 days to detox and get the sugar out of my system and then I noticed some MAJOR changes in my mood and body.  It was like someone flipped a switch, I had all of this energy that I hadn't had before and I never felt bloated or uncomfortable anymore.  I loved it!  I was hitting the gym several times a week and the pounds were coming off.  It was wonderful and I had lost 25 lbs all by myself!  I was very proud :)

Then the lull hit...

All of the sudden those dietary changes and workouts weren't cutting it!  I wasn't losing anymore weight!  The stress of exams had actually caused me to put on some weight.  I wasn't feeling so happy anymore so I reached out to a friend and she suggested I train with her personal trainer.  I was skeptical at first to be honest.  I felt like there was no hope for me. 

*Weight and body image has been a big issue for me for most of my life.  If anyone is interested in hearing more about overcoming body image issues just comment below and I will go into more detail* 

Nonetheless, I took her up on her suggestion and made an appointment to see a personal trainer.  That is the day my life truly changed.  He told me that my goals were ATTAINABLE!  I could become a physically strong woman with a feminine physique.  I was not too far gone...

We picked a day, December 21, 2011 and started working out!  I was beyond nervous for my first workout.  I was worried about what to wear, would I sweat to much, would people look at me weird for being in the "guys section" of the gym?  I had all of these insecurities floating around in my head but I told them all to take a hike because nothing was going to stop me from achieving my goals!  With 5 minutes to go until the end of my first workout, I started feeling "off" and had to end it early.  I had pushed myself so hard and did not have enough food in my system so I ended up getting sick.  It was an incredibly embarrassing moment (actually 25 minutes) but I have now figured out when I need to eat my meals so I am fuelled up and ready to work out!

*More on meals in a later post*

It took me FIVE days to recover from that first workout but I wouldn't have changed a thing!  Even the barfing...  It showed me that a little sweat and a little barf won't kill me.  It's not "gross", it shows I worked my ASS off and pushed myself to the limit!  Since then I have had 4 more sessions with my trainer (I am excluding names until I get permission to use names) and I feel fantastic!

I have lost 14 lbs since Dec 21, bringing my total to 32 lbs lost since September!

I am so excited about this journey and have met some wonderful people so far that I know will be with me every step of the way. 

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

~ K