Fat Shaming

Hey everyone,

This wasn’t my originally planned post, but I just need to talk about something.  Last month I posted about Fat Talk – talking down to yourself.  Today I want to talk to the bullies who partake in Fat Shaming.

Every day – honestly EVERY DAY – I see posts on Facebook by people who joke about those who are overweight.  Let me tell you something – you are NOT helping!  In fact you are a bully!  I see two main categories here:

1)      People who used to be overweight

2)      People who have never been anything but skinny – healthy or not

To those people who used to be overweight – I want to ask you this.  Do you not remember how hard it was being fat?  The emotional and physical challenges you experienced.  Did you just forget about all of that? 

It is absolutely none of anyone’s business how or why Person A is overweight.  It could be medical, it could be because of depression (eating to soothe/feel better – even if only temporary), or it could be because they really fucking like McDonalds.  Either way you have no idea and you are not owed an explanation. 

Really though, what makes you think you have the right to comment on a person's size?  Would you feel as comfortable talking about the colour of their skin?   The country they were born in?  The religion they practice?

Being overweight is not a desired state for most people.  Sure there are people out there who enjoy it – to each their own.  But for the most part people don’t actually enjoy the sideways glances, the snickering behind their back, or the judgement people place on them.

Maybe you think it is as simple as deciding to lose the weight.  Let me be really open and honest with you… I have made that decision time and time again.  You know what happens?  I open my Facebook and see some GIFs or meme’s that people have posted on Facebook about the fat girl who is doing something that only a skinny girl can do without being judged – eating a burger, wearing a bathing suit etc.  That makes me feel pretty shitty because maybe they think I am like that girl.  Maybe people think I am gross.  Maybe when they look at that meme, they think it looks like me.

So I go to the gym and immediately wonder if everyone here thinks the same thing… Then I spend most of my workout wondering - am I sweating too much? 

Some days I have high enough self-esteem to ignore those people, and some days I can’t overlook it.  I am getting stronger as a person each day and have channeled that emotion into something positive.  I refuse to spend the rest of my life feeling like I am unworthy because my body doesn’t match my beautiful heart.  I struggle daily but I have committed to changing my life!  I really don’t need anyone making this any harder. (and neither does anyone else who is trying to lose weight)

Every winter, nearing the New Year, posts about “New Year’s Resolutions” start showing up on Social Media – and a lot of people say something about “OMG the gym is going to be SO busy—but don’t worry everything will be back to normal in February”.  Seriously?  Did you ever stop to think that that overweight man or woman is intimidated or even scared to go into “Your House” and feel like an outsider?  You look like you belong there – you know what you are doing.

There has got to be something that makes you feel unsure of yourself – think of a scenario in which you wouldn’t be the most comfortable or the most skilled.  Take a minute and think about that.  Then think about how you would feel if people passive aggressively called you out on it all of the time.  They post stuff about how you won’t succeed anyway etc.  Does that feel nice?  Maybe you don’t give a shit about what other people think – good for you!  But empathize with those who do care – try to put yourself in their shoes.  Do you think that helps them?

I encourage all of you who call the gym Home, to help the newbies – make them feel welcome.  I am not suggesting that you walk up to the biggest person in the gym and start telling them what to do.  I am simple suggesting that you smile, say hello – make them feel like they aren’t stupid for showing up.  Make them feel like this is an OK place to be.

You have no idea how powerful and how influential your actions are – and this goes for everyone in all parts of your life.  Be nice to people.  You don’t know everyone’s story.  You might just change someone’s life for the better with one smile :)

I am trying to think of all of the comments or thoughts people will have regarding this post, so I just want to say one more thing.  It is true that you cannot control how other people feel about things in life.  Some people look for a reason to have a problem with someone ex.) You are zoned out and happen to be looking directly at someone but you don’t notice until they say “Can I help you?!”.  You weren’t giving that person the stink eye lol it was a mistake.  But some people just jump at the chance to create drama. 

I am not talking about those situations.  I am talking about the situations where you choose to behave in a manner that can offend or hurt someone, and you know it.

We are all adults here and bullying in any form is wounding.  I challenge you to think twice and stand up when your buddy says something rude about another person – in person or behind the keys of the keyboard.  We aren’t in high school anymore where we need to worry about our friends accepting us.  If they truly are a friend, they will appreciate and respect your opinion.

With that being said, all of us can stand up for one another.  If you see someone being rude, stop them.  It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic; you can just let them know bullying isn’t cool.

I honestly hope that you read this and take something from it.  And if you think I am just "too sensitive" and making "too big of a deal" out of this, then I encourage you to read this again and pay attention this time.

 

Sincerely,
Kayla

Getting Through Challenging Times

Hey everyone,

 Monday July 2^nd I lost my best friend; I lost my chocolate lab, Cassius.  It was so sudden; I didn’t really have time to process what was going on.  I just had to make a lot of impossible decisions, really quickly.  My heart was shattered and I didn’t know which emotion to feel first: Anger?  Why did God take him from me?  Sadness?  I wouldn’t feel his kisses or his wet nose again.  Or Guilt?  Did I make the right decisions?

 I didn’t know how to cope, I had never lost someone that I loved before.  I stopped eating and then I ate everything in sight.  I binged and then I starved myself.  I wanted to make the pain disappear and I wasn’t considering the long term effects of my behaviour.  Now I have an extra 15lbs to work with…

I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about the extra weight, I had a slip up but I am ready to get back on track and get closer, each day, to the body I deserve :)  And if you are going through something and you are falling behind on training or you aren't eating very well, dont be too hard on yourself.  Just do your best, that's all anyone can ask of you right now!

Heaven forbid you find yourself in a situation where your heart is shattered and you just don’t know how to cope; maybe you could try a few of these things… They are helping me stay away from destructive food behaviours…

1)      Talk with a friend or family member who has gone through the same thing or is able to understand your pain

2)      Write to the person or pet you lost.  Write them a final letter describing all of your feelings and emotions.  You have to get the feelings out so you can deal with them.  Sometimes you just need one more chance to tell your loved one how much you care.  *And depending on your beliefs, you are never alone, the person or pet you lost is always with you*

3)      Go outside.  I can’t tell you how much this has helped.  Going for walks around the neighbourhood or sitting on the steps in front of my house and just watching the breeze blow through the trees and the clouds moving across the skies.  Staying cooped up in the house just doesn’t help, even though I rarely want to leave my bed these days…

4)      Grab a water bottle and hit the gym.  I never wanted to leave my bed, but deep down I knew I had to get back into my routine.  I trained with Craig at True North Barbell Monday night and it was incredibly therapeutic!  I’m not SUPER strong (yet), but I can hold my own, and this reminded me that I am physically and mentally strong.  I can get through pain.  I get push myself through anything.  When you look at it, pushing through one more rep and pushing through one more day, really aren’t that different.  You have to dig deep and find the strength to go on.

I hope you never find yourself in a situation that requires any of the tips I mentioned above, but if you do, I hope they help. 

Today I woke up with a lighter heart and I am looking forward to training again on Wednesday.  Until then I will eat my prepared meals, drink lots of water, stay outside and take it day by day :)

Relationship with Food and Those Pesky Cravings!

Believe it or not, food cravings can be just as powerful as a drug users craving for their drug of choice.  Coming from someone who had a very unhealthy relationship with food, take it from me. 

Food wasn’t a source of nutrition, energy, or fuel for me; food was something I went to when I needed to feel better if I was sad, to celebrate when I was happy, and to make things OK in my life when I was too stressed to actually deal with them.  On the other hand, I also didn’t eat very much or very often (except for those times listed above) because I felt like I didn’t deserve to eat.  I felt awful in my body and to me eating felt like I was just going to make myself bigger and take me further from my goals.  Little did I know that withholding food and only eating at night would not help me lose any weight, it would actually make me gain weight.  Your body goes into a SURVIVAL mode and it says “Hold on to everything that just came in because we have no idea when we are going to be fed again!”  Your body realizes that it needs to hold on to whatever you DO feed it, good or bad, and store it so it won’t starve.  Eventually, not eating will result in anorexia and your body WILL begin to starve and it will start feeding off its “Emergency Storage” and then eventually, itself. 

Now that I know I need to feed my body in order for it to function and give me the results I want, my body and I are much better friends.  Now, I’m not saying you can eat whatever you want and expect your body to do what you want it to do.  Chocolate cake (a personal fave LOL) will not get my body ready for an intense workout.  However, an oat and egg white pancake will!  The pancake is filled with things my body needs in order to perform.  Sugar and bleached flour and icing will not do the trick.  Now, if we have our day to day meal plan all sorted out, you might find yourself craving certain things throughout the day/week/month/etc.  This can seem impossible to overcome but I promise you, you can do it. 

Like I mentioned earlier, I used food to comfort myself and when you have a craving for something after a bad day, or just because, it can be hard to tell yourself NO!  The other day I was struggling with cravings and I really just treated it like it was a drug, not food.  Humour me a moment and look at this with me…

If you are an alcoholic or drug addict and you are going to AA or NA, you are told to contact your sponsor if you feel like using again and that person is supposed to talk you down from the intense feelings and remind you that once you get over the hump, you will be so glad you said no.  The outcome is a beautiful thing. 

So, I decided to write it on Facebook.  I said I was craving and reminded myself that I am stronger than my cravings.  This made me accountable to each and every person who saw, “liked”, or commented on my post.  They all knew I was craving something (fruit, actually) and I knew that if I gave it I would be letting all of them down and most importantly, I’d be letting myself down.  Yes fruit is good for you, but right now I am not allowed to eat it.  So it really doesn’t matter if it was a piece of fruit or a big bowl of ice cream; either way, I wasn’t allowed to have it and if I did, I’d be cheating. 

Now, that was part one…  Part two was actually doing something about the craving.  I needed to get my mind off of what I wanted but I was just going in circles.  I was trying to talk myself out of it but I only got frustrated with myself.  So I decided to get a big glass of icy cold water and chug it.  Then I had a piece of gum (I chose a sugar free bubble-gum flavour) so this way I felt like I was eating something sweet!  Eventually I just really got into the show I was watching and the cravings passed.  When I realized it, I was so proud of myself!  It was the first really big craving I’d had since I started training with Craig and I wasn’t about to start slipping up now!  I do dream about eating fruit all the time and send him “Mind Messages” throughout my entire workout… “Let me eat fruitttttttttt” it hasn’t started working yet… I will keep you posted ha ha ha :)

Another great way of keeping yourself from giving into your cravings is painting your nails!  Sheryl taught me this and it has worked fabulously!  If you paint your nails, you can’t very well eat anything!  Wet nails + eating = disaster!  Let me just say, I have become a pro at painting nails LOL!

Another thing you can do is make a list of all the reasons you DON’T want to give into the craving.  Keep it somewhere accessible, maybe stuck to the fridge, and you can read those things before you decide to open the fridge.  Some of the things you could write are:

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I have already come so far and giving in to this craving will only set me back

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I know the feeling is only temporary, but the consequences of giving in are real and will require a lot of work at the gym to burn them off.

-        I don’t want to give into this craving because I am WORTH the healthy body I am on my way to having!

If you have any other tips or tricks for fighting off your cravings, please feel free to share!

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will talk to you all very soon!

K