Hush

OK, it is story time…Last week I was at an event and had an unfortunate encounter with a tray of red wine.  It went everywhere.  I understand shit happens, but it is how you handle it that makes all the difference.

It was handled poorly by the person who spilled the tray on me and, in my opinion; management has also done a poor job of handling this.

For the first time in my life I have experienced what feels like inferiority because of my gender.  It’s a bold statement, I know.  When conversing with the management at this establishment – we will call it Venue A – I felt like I was being brushed off, not taken seriously.  It really bothered me!  My father knows the president of Venue A and once they began talking, I was completely cut out of the conversation.  It was no longer about me, it was all about him.  They wouldn't address me; they didn't ask what I thought.  I was no longer a key player here.  This is MY STUFF we are talking about here and somehow I have been pushed out of the conversation.

In my gut it feels like Venue A just wants the “men to talk it over” and leave the “emotional one” out of it.

Even when they came to pick up my damaged items at the office, they didn’t acknowledge me.  At first I thought it was because I hadn't introduced myself – fair enough.  But once I said OK here is my purse, wallet, and shoes… still nothing!  Shook my father’s hand, but not mine.It bothers me that I wasn't able to get anywhere with Venue A and it required my father’s involvement to make any headway.  I am a strong woman who should be able to handle her own business!

This has sparked a fire in me and a lot of things are going to start changing!  As you might know, I am starting bootcamp with Sandra on Tuesday March 4^th and I decided this was my time.  I am finally going to give it 100% and stick with it until I get the body I know is hiding under there.  But this will also be an attitude change for me.  

I have always loved this quote from Zooey Deschanel –

I have always been the nice girl and while that won’t change, my “vibe” will.  I vow to work on my health, fitness, body, mind, and spirit.  I will always be nice, but there will no longer be any question regarding my strength as a person.  I will continue to be tender and open.  I will cry if something moves me to do so, I wont change any of that.  

I have so many goals and plans for bootcamp, it is really an exciting time for me and marks a new chapter in my life.  Things are going to change – physically and mentally – I hope you stick by me through the journey and go along for the ride with me!

This post doesn’t say everything I want to say about Venue A… but I vented enough to be able to draw a connection and find meaning in the situation and find a way to better myself as a result.  That is enough for me :)

Life is all about finding ways to learn lessons from your experiences and coming out of the situation a better person. 

I hope that everything works out with my personal belongings and starting today, I will be taking lead on all conversations going forward.  I am not one to be hushed any longer…

Blast from the Past

Hey everyone!

I was at the mall picking up a few things that I had forgotten to grab yesterday and all of the sudden I felt something in the pit of my stomach, saying STOP.  I slowed down and turned to my right and I saw someone I haven’t seen in many, many years.  I will leave out names, connections, etc. as I don’t want any privacy issues – I might share a lot of my life, but that’s just me.

Anyway, I wanted to just keep walking but I couldn’t, I literally felt a pull toward her.  She was talking to someone and I interrupted and I immediately regretted it but I also wouldn’t have changed a thing.  I feel like I interrupted that conversation for a reason.  It was just sketchy.

We walked for a bit and all I could think of is OMG I just want to hug her and tell her it’s going to be okay… Perhaps I should preface this by saying that I am INCREDIBLY in touch with emotion.  When I see someone hurting, it rips my heart in half.  Sometimes I can feel how much they are hurting even if they don’t show it on their face – that was what happened here.  I have known this person for so long and seeing her today and remembering what she was like before, broke my heart.

I will never know for certain what that conversation I interrupted was about, or what is really going on in her life – but man… I am so glad I made certain decisions in my life that led me down an entirely different path.

It got me thinking how close I was to living the same type of life as her – having her reality be my own.  It shook me to my core.  We are ALL one decision away from changing our lives – for better or worse.

That is pretty scary when you think of it! 

I truly believe that things happen for a reason, and I believe that the universe just aligned and I was destined to see her.  Because to be honest, I couldn’t find a parking spot at the mall to save my life so I was just going to leave and come back later in the week.  I decided to make one more loop around and there was a spot.  I almost didn’t go in there.  This opportunity was almost missed.

Decisions are hard and they are scary sometimes, but I think it should be that way, for some things.  Decisions should require time, thought, and consideration.  You are painting the picture of your life, one brush stroke at a time.  Be conscious of that.  Making the decision to go back to school is hard, expensive, and means you will have to sacrifice a lot – but if you give it enough time and thought, you will be able to decide if it is the best choice for you.  Maybe it will open more doors for you!  Same goes for deciding to live a healthier lifestyle – it is hard but it is worth it.  It also requires daily decisions to stay healthy.  It doesn’t just happen after you “decide to be healthy” – it is a work in progress!

My point in sharing this with you is just to remind you that we are in charge of our lives.  Things may happen that are out of our control, but you can always change the situation you are in.

Anyway, I hope that she got something from seeing me today, however brief it was, and that it will help her somehow.  That is all I can hope for :)  If by any chance she sees this, know that it isn’t written with judgement at all – just straight from the heart.

“You're more beautiful than you know, more talented than you think, and more loved than you can imagine.”  ― Kandee Johnson

Resisting Temptation

Hey everyone!

Today I’m talking about temptation!  You’ve all been there before… You are at an event, business meeting, or a night out with friends.  Temptation is everywhere!  Most recently, for me, I was tested while out bowling.  There were about 20 people; all very hungry and "in need" of beer and snacks.  Being the event coordinator, I had to take care of it!  I knew that my almonds wouldn’t make everyone happy so I went to the snack bar and ordered up 5 pizzas, 2 platters, and 6 orders of chicken tenders for everyone to share.  Then I saw them… Mozza Sticks.  In that moment they called to me, they said “come on… just ONE bite!”.  I thought FOR SURE this was it, all hell was going to break loose over these Mozza Sticks.  I brought the food over to the table and made sure I sat away from it.  Somehow, it ended up right under my nose.  People moved things around and the gooey cheese was right in front of me.  I pushed it away and decided to reflect on the past 2 months and how far I have come.  I thought to myself, “Kayla, you have worked so hard to lose just over 50 lbs… WHY would you ruin that now?”.  It was really hard to say no, especially when everyone around me was eating without worrying about what went in their mouths.  But I did it and I felt SO strong and SO proud of myself after.  Once I gave my head a shake I realized that I didn’t even WANT those Mozza Sticks.  They aren’t good for anyone and they certainly aren’t what I need.  I was able to then sit back, enjoy my almonds and cheer for everyone that was bowling. 

I believe that temptation is everywhere, all of the time; it is only during our weaker moments that we notice it.  That day I had just been to the chiropractor for my ribs (I popped one out of place and it felt awful!) and as soon as I sat in my car after the adjustment, I popped it back out.  So I was in pain all night while everyone was stuffing their faces and having fun bowling.  I can admit it, I was having a little pity party for myself and that’s when I noticed the Mozza Sticks.  It took a lot to say no but I did and I am so glad I did.  I was able to shake off my bad mood and focus on the positive of the night; temptation did not get the best of me.  I was STRONGER!

The moral of the story here is, you are in control of today.  You control how the day ends; it can end with guilt or it can end with celebration!  Cravings and temptations are strong feelings but you are STRONGER!  I love this quote...

The satisfaction of giving in to temptation is very, very short lived.  But the satisfaction you get for saying no to temptation is incredible.  Always keep your goals in sight and make the right decisions today, so you can celebrate all of your tomorrows!

 Kayla