Hush

OK, it is story time…Last week I was at an event and had an unfortunate encounter with a tray of red wine.  It went everywhere.  I understand shit happens, but it is how you handle it that makes all the difference.

It was handled poorly by the person who spilled the tray on me and, in my opinion; management has also done a poor job of handling this.

For the first time in my life I have experienced what feels like inferiority because of my gender.  It’s a bold statement, I know.  When conversing with the management at this establishment – we will call it Venue A – I felt like I was being brushed off, not taken seriously.  It really bothered me!  My father knows the president of Venue A and once they began talking, I was completely cut out of the conversation.  It was no longer about me, it was all about him.  They wouldn't address me; they didn't ask what I thought.  I was no longer a key player here.  This is MY STUFF we are talking about here and somehow I have been pushed out of the conversation.

In my gut it feels like Venue A just wants the “men to talk it over” and leave the “emotional one” out of it.

Even when they came to pick up my damaged items at the office, they didn’t acknowledge me.  At first I thought it was because I hadn't introduced myself – fair enough.  But once I said OK here is my purse, wallet, and shoes… still nothing!  Shook my father’s hand, but not mine.It bothers me that I wasn't able to get anywhere with Venue A and it required my father’s involvement to make any headway.  I am a strong woman who should be able to handle her own business!

This has sparked a fire in me and a lot of things are going to start changing!  As you might know, I am starting bootcamp with Sandra on Tuesday March 4^th and I decided this was my time.  I am finally going to give it 100% and stick with it until I get the body I know is hiding under there.  But this will also be an attitude change for me.  

I have always loved this quote from Zooey Deschanel –

I have always been the nice girl and while that won’t change, my “vibe” will.  I vow to work on my health, fitness, body, mind, and spirit.  I will always be nice, but there will no longer be any question regarding my strength as a person.  I will continue to be tender and open.  I will cry if something moves me to do so, I wont change any of that.  

I have so many goals and plans for bootcamp, it is really an exciting time for me and marks a new chapter in my life.  Things are going to change – physically and mentally – I hope you stick by me through the journey and go along for the ride with me!

This post doesn’t say everything I want to say about Venue A… but I vented enough to be able to draw a connection and find meaning in the situation and find a way to better myself as a result.  That is enough for me :)

Life is all about finding ways to learn lessons from your experiences and coming out of the situation a better person. 

I hope that everything works out with my personal belongings and starting today, I will be taking lead on all conversations going forward.  I am not one to be hushed any longer…

Blast from the Past

Hey everyone!

I was at the mall picking up a few things that I had forgotten to grab yesterday and all of the sudden I felt something in the pit of my stomach, saying STOP.  I slowed down and turned to my right and I saw someone I haven’t seen in many, many years.  I will leave out names, connections, etc. as I don’t want any privacy issues – I might share a lot of my life, but that’s just me.

Anyway, I wanted to just keep walking but I couldn’t, I literally felt a pull toward her.  She was talking to someone and I interrupted and I immediately regretted it but I also wouldn’t have changed a thing.  I feel like I interrupted that conversation for a reason.  It was just sketchy.

We walked for a bit and all I could think of is OMG I just want to hug her and tell her it’s going to be okay… Perhaps I should preface this by saying that I am INCREDIBLY in touch with emotion.  When I see someone hurting, it rips my heart in half.  Sometimes I can feel how much they are hurting even if they don’t show it on their face – that was what happened here.  I have known this person for so long and seeing her today and remembering what she was like before, broke my heart.

I will never know for certain what that conversation I interrupted was about, or what is really going on in her life – but man… I am so glad I made certain decisions in my life that led me down an entirely different path.

It got me thinking how close I was to living the same type of life as her – having her reality be my own.  It shook me to my core.  We are ALL one decision away from changing our lives – for better or worse.

That is pretty scary when you think of it! 

I truly believe that things happen for a reason, and I believe that the universe just aligned and I was destined to see her.  Because to be honest, I couldn’t find a parking spot at the mall to save my life so I was just going to leave and come back later in the week.  I decided to make one more loop around and there was a spot.  I almost didn’t go in there.  This opportunity was almost missed.

Decisions are hard and they are scary sometimes, but I think it should be that way, for some things.  Decisions should require time, thought, and consideration.  You are painting the picture of your life, one brush stroke at a time.  Be conscious of that.  Making the decision to go back to school is hard, expensive, and means you will have to sacrifice a lot – but if you give it enough time and thought, you will be able to decide if it is the best choice for you.  Maybe it will open more doors for you!  Same goes for deciding to live a healthier lifestyle – it is hard but it is worth it.  It also requires daily decisions to stay healthy.  It doesn’t just happen after you “decide to be healthy” – it is a work in progress!

My point in sharing this with you is just to remind you that we are in charge of our lives.  Things may happen that are out of our control, but you can always change the situation you are in.

Anyway, I hope that she got something from seeing me today, however brief it was, and that it will help her somehow.  That is all I can hope for :)  If by any chance she sees this, know that it isn’t written with judgement at all – just straight from the heart.

“You're more beautiful than you know, more talented than you think, and more loved than you can imagine.”  ― Kandee Johnson

So, I did a juice cleanse

It’s review time!

 So, I did a juice cleanse.

 I have heard so much about juice cleanses – how amazing they are and then some talk about how horrible they are.  If you know me, you know I had to find out for myself.  I can never just take someone’s word for it.  So I did some research to find a local Juicer – I wanted my first juice cleanse to be excuse free, so I wanted someone else to do the juicing.  I came across Total Cleanse out of Toronto and they had a 14% off New Year deal so I jumped at the opportunity. 

I am going to review the experience as well as a quick review of Total Cleanse.

Juicing Experience:

I ordered the following juices for 5 days – Green Energy, Very Berry, Red Energy, & Lemon Rush.

Green Energy - Includes: Fresh cucumber, celery, kale, lettuces, parsley, lemon, apple, romaine lettuce

Very Berry - Includes: Strawberry, pineapple, blueberry, apple, lemon

Red Energy - Includes: Beet, carrot, cucumber, apple, lemon, ginger

Lemon Rush - Includes: Lemon, cayenne, maple syrup, filtered water

The juices were pretty tasty, but I have definitely created better juices at home.  The Green Energy was very green.  For me it was just too much – I would’ve really appreciated more apple and less cucumber.  The Very Berry was FANTASTIC!  It tasted like pink Starburst.  However, after day 2 – it became WAY too sweet!  Red Energy was pretty hard to get through – the beets tasted like dirt.  Ick!  Finally, the Lemon Rush was very refreshing but way too spicy.  I really enjoyed the maple syrup – it was a really nice aftertaste. 

Day One – I was very excited to get started.  Green Energy #1 – down the hatch!  Lemon Rush #1 – OMG SPICY!  Very Berry – Delicious!  Lemon Rush #2 – Still REALLY spicy!  Green Energy #2 – I miss hot food…

When I started the day I was very excited to do this!  Totally pumped and ready to go!  By the end of the day the withdrawal symptoms began to set in and it was horrible.  I don’t mean “wahhh I want chocolate…”  It was BAD!  I had a nasty headache, bad mood, intense cravings for anything and everything, and I wanted to give up.  I knew that it was going to be hard but I had no idea I would go through sugar withdrawals.  I had the sweats and I looked like I belonged in a detox room at rehab next to Lindsay Lohan.  I pushed through and made it to day two.

Day Two – Ugh.  I am the type of person who loves (temperature) hot food.  I hate cold food.  So waking up to a cold glass of grass juice was not my idea of fun, but I had a goal and I was determined not to give up.  I powered down my first juice and made it through to the third juice, Very Berry.  After that one, I just didn’t want to eat/drink at all.  It wasn’t fun and exciting and I didn’t feel like the benefits would outweigh the challenges.  I kept pushing through!

Day Three – Meh.  I didn’t really want to juice, so I just didn’t eat or drink anything.  I had a few sips here and there.  That was it.  It immediately brought back those familiar demons… “Don’t eat food, it will make you fat”, “As soon as you start eating again you are going to gain 50 lbs… better get used to feeling hungry”… Thankfully I was able to recognize that slippery slope and I cut the cleanse off after that.  Saturday morning I woke up and had breakfast – real, hot, delicious healthy food :)

Now – I know that all sounds really negative… but I did learn/experience a few things that made it worth it for me.

1)      Foods that my body doesn’t respond well to

a.       Gluten sucks.  That is all.

 

 

b.      Dairy – we aren’t full out enemies, but I really dislike you.

c.       Sugar – It’s over!  I’m sorry, it’s not me.  It’s you.

2)      Mental Strength

a.       Even though I wanted to throw in the towel, I kept pushing and I showed myself that I can take myself as far as I want to!

b.      On the flip side, I also recognized that I can stop myself from going down a slippery slope.  I don’t need to give in to those food issues – I am stronger than that.

3)      10 pounds GONE!

a.       I thought for sure this would come back as soon as I started eating solid food again, but I have managed to keep it off!  It’s a pretty sweet way to end a pretty tough challenge!

 

Days After the Cleanse – Pumped.  I’m glad that I did the cleanse but I don’t think I would recommend it.  It is almost more of a mental challenge than physical and I don’t think it is a healthy choice for women who are on their journey to a healthier body.  I DO, however, highly recommend including juicing into your everyday lifestyle.  Juicing (or making smoothies) is a fantastic way to get in a lot of nutrients that can be a bit of a challenge to do when eating them whole.  Plus I love having juice with my breakfast and I can do it guilt-free when I make it all myself.  I don’t have to worry about added sugars and/or concentrated juices from the grocery store.  I know exactly what is going into my juice :)

Total Cleanse:

I wasn’t blown away by Total Cleanse.  Without getting into all of the nit-picky details, I would suggest looking into all of your options (if you are interested in trying a cleanse) and asking a lot of questions.  Make your own informed decisions :)

Bottom Line:

I would not recommend a juice-only cleanse, but I would recommend including juicing/smoothies into your daily routine!