Shut Down Fat Talk

Hello everyone!

I don’t always practice everything I preach when it comes to this particular topic, but I think it’s important that I start, TODAY.  I hope that after watching the attached video and reading my post, you will try to do this with me.  A little bit each day makes a difference.

Here is the video:

 

 

So you know how you wake up and immediately decide it’s going to be a “fat day”… where nothing you put on looks good and you think everything makes you look fat?  Then you proceed to talk down to yourself during breakfast, getting ready, the whole drive to the office, and WATCH OUT when you finally get home from work and take those jeans off!

Do you understand how detrimental that is to your health?  Mental and physical.  I’m not saying it’s not okay to have an off day – but I am saying it’s not okay to bully yourself about it.  

OK fine, maybe those jeans are a little tight – rather than bashing yourself about the muffin top make a healthy decision to do something about it.  Are the jeans actually just too small or did you just eat a few extra slices of pumpkin pie over the holidays?  If the jeans are from high school and you just don’t want to let them go – PLEASE DONATE THEM!  You aren’t a teenager anymore.  Buy some jeans that fit and flatter your body, you deserve it!  If the pie is to blame for the tight jeans – take a deep breath and make a plan.  Tell yourself that you are going to make sure you do these three things every day to help get yourself back on track:

1.       Stay hydrated!

2.       Fuel your body with healthy foods and do NOT, I repeat DO NOT withhold food from yourself – that will not help you!

3.       Get as much sleep as you can (7-8 hours if possible!)

If you can add in some exercise too, even better, but don’t punish yourself.  Please.  Just commit to being healthy and getting yourself back on track.  You are allowed to enjoy life and the delicious treats that come along with it ;)

Fat talk is something I don’t quite understand – I mean I do it – but I don’t get it…

Why on earth would we sit here and rip ourselves to shreds?  It doesn’t even sound productive.  You certainly wouldn’t tell another person that they looked really fat and ugly today, would you?  So then why do we feel that it is okay to say it to ourselves? 

If your daughter (sister, cousin, friend etc.) came home and told you that someone told her that she had a disgusting muffin top and she should’ve just stayed home in bed today – would you accept that?  Absolutely not is what I’m thinking…

We need to shut down fat talk. 

We need to start loving ourselves just the way we are.  That isn’t to say that you can’t make improvements (in a healthy capacity of course), but we need to accept that the body we have right now is worth just as much love, adoration, and respect as the body we might be working toward.  Even if you HAVE the body you worked hard for, it is time you start to appreciate it and love it unconditionally.

You are still the same person deep inside (heart, personality, humour etc.) no matter what package it comes in.  Don’t wait until you are “there” to start loving yourself.  Love who you are now!

Take a moment and think of all the young girls in your life - you are a role model to them whether you know it or not.  Every time you talk down to yourself you are teaching them that it is ok.  Kate Winslet recently said in an article that she makes a point of talking about all of the things she loves about her body, in front of her daughter so that it becomes NORMAL to her.  This is what we should all strive for.  Right now the norm is trash talking your own body…  Ugh look at my muffin top, ugh my thighs touch, ugh blah blah blah.

Break the circle - love your body - start speaking words of love and respect to yourself about your body.  For example:  I love the way my bum looks in these jeans!

If you have a sister or daughter (or anyone - boy or girl) in your family, make sure they hear it.  It is important that we show people it is OKAY to be proud of your body!  We have become a world of thinner is better and talking about your muffin top makes you cool in some twisted way.  We need to change that!

Can you imagine how this world would change if we just starting loving ourselves unconditionally and decided we no longer accept the current, unhealthy, definition of beauty?  Oh how things would change!

Anyway, this is starting to get long… I don’t want you to feel like you are reading a novel ;) 

I posted a challenge on Facebook Dec 16^th asking everyone to choose LOVE today – Dec 17^th.  I am now challenging you to Shut Down Fat Talk.  If you start talking or thinking negatively about your body – recognize it and turn that bullying behaviour around and say something nice to yourself about your body.  If you hear someone else bullying themselves about their body, compliment them instead.  I truly believe if we start to practice positivity, we can change the way women all around the world think of their bodies.  So, will you accept my challenge?  I encourage all of you to try :)

Guys, I am not purposely avoiding you – I know men have a lot to deal with too when it comes to body image and what is considered “sexy”.  Please read this with him/he/etc. in place of any her/she etc. mentioned above – this is for you too!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post!

If you enjoyed it and you accept my challenge, please like the post on Facebook so I know!  I will check in with those who “like” the post to see how you’re doing :)

Lots of love,
Kayla

 

 

 



 

Rock Bottom

Hey everyone,

I just got back from Texas a few days ago and that trip really changed my life.  I had a lot of fun - we drove around Houston and the surrounding cities, I finished the last Sookie Stackhouse novel, I swam, and soaked up some sun.  You are probably thinking, "What is so life changing about that?!"... Well, this is how it started...

I don't particularly care for my body shape... I know I need to lose weight and I need to get myself back into a routine of eating well and exercising daily.  I know this, but I didn't think I looked that bad...

Scene A - The Airplane

Airplanes are not comfy for anyone, there is never enough legroom and there is always someone kicking your chair.  But you know what is worse than that?  Feeling uncomfortable in your chair because you don't fit.  It took all of my might not to break down and run out of the plane and down the hallway back to our car and drive home.  I played the scenario over and over in my mind.  I planned my escape.  The next thing I knew, we were landing in Texas.  I wouldn't even enjoy the flight, something I used to love!  Looking at the clouds and the land beneath me used to bring me joy, it was so beautiful.  Now I lost the whole experience because I was so caught up in my plan to get out of there.


Scene B - The Hotel

Of course we had to pick a hotel with the LONGEST walk from the lobby to the pool.  I kid you not, its a 5 minute walk.  I hadn't mapped it out before I went over there the first time, it was the longest walk of my life.  I felt like everyone could see me in a bathing suit, even though I was wearing a cover up dress.  (What do you think is going to happen at the pool, Kayla????)  I told myself, who cares, they will never see you again, and most importantly; you will never see them again.  (Really, that's how you want to live???  Embarrassed about your body and telling yourself that its okay because you will never have to face these people again???)  But it is what kept me going...

Scene C - The Pool

So I finally get to the pool.  I have my book and 5 towels.  One for behind my back, against the lounger.  The second for behind my neck, to use as a pillow, and the rest to cover myself up so nobody can see me in a bathing suit.  (SERIOUSLY???  What's the point?!)  I waited until most people had moved on to another pool, or nobody was around at that moment and I jumped in the pool.  Ahhh, this is my bliss... I LOVE swimming.  I feel so free!  I am swimming laps and then, I stop dead in my tracks and I think OH MY GOD it is Nicole Wilkins... What do I say, how do I even begin?!  I am so excited!  OH MY FREAKING GOD she is picking the lane next to me!  Someone I look up to is right beside me!!!! (Oh damn, its not her... but I swear it looked just like her!!!)  It turns out to be a girl named Lauren, she works in the gym as a trainer.  She and I start talking, we're laughing, having a great time in the pool swimming laps and chatting when we need a break.  Then, all of the sudden I need to pee... but I think to myself, you cant get out of the pool, she isn't going to want to talk to you once she sees what your body ACTUALLY looks like... so you better just hold it.  Well, Lauren was in the pool another hour.  I thought to myself this is ABSOLUTELY REDICULOUS!  You cant live your life like this anymore... you need to make a change and you need to make it quick. 

At that moment I said this is enough, Kayla. This is fucking enough...

I felt like the Ugly Duckling...  For the first time in my life, I felt like I was UGLY and BIG.  I don't know if I have just been in severe denile, I always knew I had weight to lose, it upset me a lot, but I still felt like a normal girl.  Perhaps I have just spent too much time being overweight that I have lost sight of the beautiful girl I once felt I was.  I don't remember the last time a guy really looked at me or told me I was beautiful.  Honestly, couldnt tell you.  (Not that you need anyone's approval, but it's just something that is nice to hear, you know?)

On this trip I decided that I don't want to feel this way anymore.  I want to be confident again and not just think I am pretty from the chin up.  I have hit all sorts of "Rock Bottom"... I have had eating disorders, severe depression, and yet it took a trip to Texas to shake me to my core.  I have never felt so awful and ashamed. 

Life is WAY too short to waste any more time like this.  I told my friend Sandra that in the past I had always lost weight for someone else - but this time it has to be for me.  This really made that clear to me.  If there was any doubt that I could do it, was I worth it, was I too far gone... the doubt is gone.  I am tired of feeling "second class" - I need to be healthy - Mind, Body, and Spirit - for ME.

If you are reading this and feeling any of the same things I talked about, please know that you can do it.  You are worth it.  You only get so many trips around the sun, so please start living now.  Don't let fear and shame rule your life; you deserve to be happy.  It might take you a different scenario to realize you need to make a change, but whatever it is, I hope you listen to your heart and I hope you work for the life you deserve.

One of my favourite quotes that kicks me in the ass when I feel lazy is:

 





You have to work for it.  You have to pour your heart and soul into it and you cannot give up.  You can fall, you can puke, you can faint, you can cry, you can scream... but you cannot give up!

 

 



I started this journey once before and got really close to a place where I was happy (er) with my body.  I had lost 50 lbs and I was so proud of myself.  But I let the stresses of life get in the way and BAM I was back at square one.  I know how hard I had to work to get there, and I know that I CAN do it.  I am so tired of starting over; so I am going to stop giving up.  I will not let stress get in the way of my life anymore.  I don't want to feel what I felt at that swimming pool in Texas ever again.  I want to feel beautiful and worthy and never fear that someone wouldn't want to talk to me after they saw my body.  How sad is that?  I made a decision in Texas and I started right then and there.  I got up every morning and had a healthy breakfast and then went to the gym and then swam laps in the beautiful pool outside.

Today I decided to share this with you because when I first started this blog I said I would take you along this journey with me.  The ups, the downs, and everything in between.  I told myself and my readers that if I could help just ONE person, it would be worth the brutal honesty.  I don't sit here typing these personal blogs with ease.  I cry and it hurts and I am terrified that someone is going to read my blog and laugh at me.  Those things are all true.  But my desire to help save another girl from feeling worthless or making unsafe/unhealthy choices like I did, is stronger than my fear.  I share because I want to help.

Thank you for reading,
K



Do things for YOU, not for the approval of others…

Some days you need to hear that you have done a good job… You work really hard on something at work and you want to hear that you have done a good job and that someone noticed…  We all need it, even if we shrug it off out of embarrassment or laugh it off because we don’t know how to accept it.

There are times that we need to do things and do them without expecting a pat on the back or a “Job Well Done!”  It can be frustrating at times and challenging not to have a cheerleader keeping you going.  But there are times where you have to do something because it just needs to be done.  This can relate to many facets of your life; health and fitness, work, love, and so much more.  When you take the garbage out you don’t expect your partner to make a scene…pom poms rustling through the air… you do it because it is something that needs to be done.  Why then, do we have such a hard time taking care of ourselves?  If you need to lose weight, why are you putting the onus on someone else?  I can’t lose weight because I need to have someone cheering for me, making me feel like I can do it.  That last part right there tells you all you need to hear.  YOU CAN DO IT.  You are doing the hard work, sweating your ass off; it isn’t that other person losing the weight for you.  It is all you baby.

Or perhaps weight isn’t your issue but you smoke or drink or eat too much white bread…  You are all fighting the same fight…  You need to believe in yourself and do this for YOU!  Not to hear “oh wow great job!” or anything like that.  Do it for the pure and simple self-satisfaction.  Do it for the ease of getting dressed in the morning (those of us who have/are struggling with weight know how hard of a mission picking out clothes can be), do it for the health benefits, and do it to prove to yourself that you are strong and you are capable!

Now, some of you might be saying… well that’s great and all if you believe in yourself… but I just can’t… I have tried and I have failed… I don’t want to fail any more… I don’t want to ever feel that again…

I have been there, too.  We are brought up thinking that failure is a bad thing.  Failing is really just discovering what didn’t work this time, and what to change so the next time is better.  Take every failure and find the lesson you can learn from it.  Cook the pasta too long – its mush.  FAIL.  Lesson – cook pasta less.  It seems pretty simple when we remove our feelings from the equation.  Workout like crazy – lose 5 lbs – stop working out – gain 6 lbs.  FAIL.  Lesson – this is a lifestyle, not a quick fix, keep at it :)

I truly believe that you have to love yourself before you can grow – whether that be in a relationship or your personal goals.  Find something you love about yourself and focus on that, rather than the things you aren’t so fond of.  Your perception of yourself can make or break you…  If all you see yourself doing is falling and never getting back up – you will stay on the ground forever.  You MUST see yourself getting up, dusting yourself off, and trying again (and again, and again, and again…).  You have the power to change your life; it is all in your heart!  Just put your mind to it and forget about everyone else.  Don’t worry about people at the gym (they aren’t looking at you and thinking “why does she even bother”), they might be checking out your form, learning a thing or two!  Don’t worry about your family or your friends either, it will take them a while to notice the changes in your body… you see them every day and they may not be comfortable suggesting that you look smaller…it’s a roundabout way of suggesting you once looked bigger… people are weird.  Just ignore everyone else and do this for your damn self.  It will feel oh so good when you succeed :)

Stay tuned for my next blog post about positivity and changing your mind to change your life!  It will feature some words of wisdom from Pastor Joel Osteen, he is a very motivating and uplifting man with a great story of his own :)

XO
K